Rainy Wednesdays

This picture is just for fun. Because I'm ready for summer.

The past few days need to delete themselves from the calendar. No, really. Now.

They have not been so nice to me. 

I won't complain, however.

This is me, not complaining.

Promise.

I am so thankful for sweet texts, sweet peach teas (with extra ice! duh.) sweet friends, sweet sleep, and that sweet boy.

I have an extra sweet tooth, ya know? Cool.

Can I get a hallelujah for the semester being (almost) over?

All that's left: a paper on Schumann, Intro final on Thursday, Ancient Civ. final on Friday (Friday! gotta get down on Friday!), Old Testament final on Monday, and my Piano proficiency jury on Tuesday. (eep. I am so nervous about this one!)

So I'm rewarding myself with a lazy afternoon in bed. It's pouring down rain, and I'm all curled up in my snuggie. (Yeah, I'm the awkward kid who embraces snuggies. and snuggie wearers.) All I need now is a book. And some coffee. And for that boy to get outta school and text me. That would be reaaal nice.

Linking up the above photos for the photo contest over at Life is too short not to wear red shoes!

Lizzie

 I'm entering this in IHeartFaces' photo challenge!

Oh Glorious Day!

Easter weekend was incredibly busy! Saturday, we went to my church's community Easter egg hunt. 

We had 50,00 eggs!

It was such a mad dash to get to the eggs!

This is one of my favorite pictures!

I was rather upset I couldn't go home for Easter (this marks my first holiday away from home). Thankfully, I got to spend time with some sweet family here in Tennessee!

Such a sweet boy!

 Church on Sunday was wonderful. Such a great reminder of who Christ is, and what He has done! We are nothing without His sacrifice.

My sister and I went to the lake Sunday night and just relaxed. It was warm, the breeze was cool, and there was the faint smell of fish in the air. Honestly, it's not a bad combination!

 

I am beyond being able to describe how Christ's sacrifice has changed my life. 

Surely he has borne our griefs
   and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
   smitten by God, and afflicted.
  But he was wounded for our transgressions;
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his stripes we are healed. 

Isaiah 53: 4-5

Summer Reading List/Easter

Reading is, quite possibly, my favorite thing to do. That and playing music. And writing. And taking pictures. And eating. And sleeping.

Well, you get the point.

I haven't had time to do any reading for fun since...August. (Well, I did have a brief stint over Christmas break.) Regardless, my reading time has been consumed with academic things. Once finals are over (next week! eep!) I'll finally have some time. So here is my list of books I hope to read over the summer.

1. Finish reading Immanuel's Veins by Ted Dekker. (I seriously have like 50 pages left.)

2. Finishing reading A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis.

3. Re-read The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. (It's been a few years.)

4. Re-read The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by J. R. R. Tolkien. (Once again, it's been a while.)

5. Finish reading The Time Machine by H.G. Wells. (I need to procure a hard copy of this.)

6. 1984 by George Orwell

7. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (Yes. I'm serious. I've been wanting to read this for ages.)

8. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck 

9. Dune by Frank Herbert

10. Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper

11. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Robert Lewis Stevenson

12. Crazy Love by Francis Chan

And, well, that's all I have so far. Twelve is my favorite number, so I figured that was a good stopping point. :) But I will be adding to the list as I discover/ am suggested more books. Because it will take me about a month and a half to read the books previously mentioned. 

I'm so glad that Easter is tomorrow! It's my favorite holiday by far. The hope that Christ's resurrection brings just...flabbergasts me. The whole thing does. That the Creator of the universe would want to die for silly old me is just...astounding. I stand in awe. 

My Mind Is Made

I've made my choice

It's yet to be seen

Whether I will regret this;

Was I prudent? Was I keen?

You may judge me

Now that's up to you.

Your opinion is worthless.

Your mind always skews.

I know what's in my heart

I know it so well!

I've listened to guidance.

Was it solid? Time will tell. 

I want this so badly

But I cannot give all

So I must return home

For there I stand tall.

This week has been ridiculous. Ridiculous. Everything is due and I have no time. May 6th cannot come soon enough!

Goodnight. XO.

Tangled Hope

 Yet I still dare to hope
  when I remember this:

  The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
      His mercies never cease.
  Great is his faithfulness;
      his mercies begin afresh each morning.
  I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
      therefore, I will hope in him!”

  The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
      to those who search for him.
  So it is good to wait quietly
      for salvation from the Lord.

-Lamentations 3:21-26.  

     Over the past three years, hope has become my motto; my mantra. Things have been beyond difficult: the passing of my mother, the sickness of my father, my own illness, losing close friends to distance and time. I've struggled. I've been angry. I've shaken my fists and closed off my heart to God and those closest to me.

    In the grandiose scheme of things, I can see God's hand moving. I tend to focus on the big picture in life: small details do not concern me. Because of this, I thought day-to-day life would be, well, easier.

It hasn't been. 

I can reconcile myself with the big picture. Alright, mom is gone. Dad's recovering. I'm doing my best to lead a normal, illness free life. What I cannot face is everyday life.

It's the small details that kill me the most. I can't just call up my mom. My dad and I can't just take a spontaneous walk. I can't make it though the day without sleeping. Small, mundane details.

They kill me.

But this is why I have hope: the Lord has not forgotten me, nor has He turned His face away from me. No, I cannot feel Him right now, but I know deep down within my tangled, weathered heart that He is here. Watching, healing, protecting. 

So life goes on. Yes, I'm facing each day kicking and screaming, but at least I'm fighting for something. 

If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won. -Mumford and Sons. 

Apathy is my greatest enemy. 

Plant your hope with good seed, don't cover yourself with thistles and weeds. -M&S. 

 

Sleepy Eyes

I love Saturdays. I wake up late, laze around, eat brunch, and have time to do the things that I want to do. I guess it's a "me" day, of sorts. This morning, I woke up and had the urge to take pictures. 

My hair is ridiculously huge, and the only make up I have on is what's left over from last night. It was a great way to start the day, and today is only going to get better. Las Paletas, Mexican, and photographing my school's Junior/Senoir banquet tonight! Did I mention, also, that my best friend/boyfriend is coming for a visit with his family? It will be lovely. 

I get to wear a plaid dress. I love plaid. 

I'm also currently entertaining the idea of dyeing my hair red. Thoughts?

XO.

April Flowers

It's finally Friday! This has been one exhausting week! Thankfully, by the grace of God, I made it though! This is just a quick post to share some photos. My sweet boyfriend couldn't be here for the opening night of Cinderella. So he got in contact with my sister, who is a florist. She brought these beautiful flowers over to me yesterday morning.

 He requested tulips, but my sister couldn't find any nice tulips, so she brought me hydrangeas, which are my second favorite flower after tulips. They're gorgeous, and really brighten up my dorm room!

I'm entering the above photo in the photo contest here! If you would, go check it out and comment!

Into the Dark

I am officially half way through this crazy mess of a week! One book report, twenty note cards, one test, and two musical rehearsals are out of the way! All that's left is four my pages on my seven page research paper, a quiz, and three performances of Cinderella!

When I haven't been at practice, class, or church, I've been spending most of my time in my room working on homework, obviously. So I thought I would share a few pictures of my dorm room, since it's nice and clean. (Room check is tomorrow, so it's much cleaner than it normally is.)

As you can see, I'm a bit obsessed with "Keep calm and carry on." Since I'm easily stressed out/panicked, this is something I have to remind myself of on a daily basis.

Any guesses as to what my research paper is on?

I'm super sleepy, and it shows! Ignore the creepy smile. I look strange when I don't show my teeth when I smile. And I have plenty of reasons to smile: my dad is coming in from Missouri on Friday, and this lovey kid is coming on Saturday:

Yes, my boyfriendo is super adorable. We've been together for nearly two years. He's totally precious.

Well, I should really get some rest. Two performances tomorrow! I'll be posting pictures sometime after the fact. I'll leave you with a couple of random pictures from the past week. Goodnight.

XO.

Oceans

 I realize that the following poem is going to sound terribly depressing. But what good is poetry if it doesn't express how you are truly feeling? No facades, no masks, just words. I've been dealing with a lot lately. I can't say much more than I'm scared. So I'll let this poorly written poetry suffice for an explanation.

Standing on the brink:
Will I float or will I sink?
This fear is overwhelming me
I merely float upon this sea.

I cling to my fears
And I let go of my hopes.
This is folly at best; my heart
Is beating out of my chest.

The waves crash over
My head and my heart.
I should have taken
Your hand from the start.

You throw out the raft.
I shouldn't have jumped
Off of the edge of my heart
In to this slump.

Wrap a rope
Around my fears;
Strangle them,
Bring them to tears.

I do not want this despair I feel
Love? Hope? This fear is more real
To my shaking hands and my stone cold heart.
Could you wake me up? Pry me apart?

I cannot face this alone
Oh God, hold my hand
Don't let me be stone!

Apathy is worse
Than dying alone.

Crazytrain

It's officially summer here in Tennessee. I'm sitting here with my dorm room window open, a cool breeze drifting through, and bugs hovering around the harsh overhead light. As strange as it sounds, it's almost magical and comforting. The only thing that would make it better would be a glass of sweet tea, the sound of crickets and thunder rolling in the distance. I'm actually not a fan of summer, but there's something about those particular things that just make my heart melt!

This was taken last summer. It's actually the edge of a front.

This is going to be an absolutely crazy week. I have a book report due Wednesday and a rough draft for a 7 page paper due Friday. Tech rehearsal tonight, dress rehearsal tomorrow night, church on Wednesday, and finally two performances of Cinderella on Thursday and one on Friday! I don't know when I'm going to do everything! I am very excited about the musical though! My dad shall be coming in Friday, and my boyfriend on Saturday from Missouri. I'm quite happy they're all coming!

I say all of this to say that I won't be blogging much this week. Hopefully I'll get the chance, but I make no promises!

Friday Five! 4/8

 

Um, is it seriously Friday already? This week has flown by! And is it just me, or does it feel like the date (4/8) would be better expressed as (1/2)? I hate math, but I feel the need to reduce the date...um...anyway...

1. This week, I drank a gallon of sweet tea. I don't know, maybe more?

2. I love that it's finally warm enough to go outside!

3. New sunglasses. :)

4. Giant bubbles!

5. Well, frankly, I'm just glad it's Friday, Friday...

Goodnight.

This week has been absolutely ridiculous. Sometimes, I forget I'm in college...until I have a book report, 30 notecards, 50 pages of reading, an exam, more reading, Cinderella rehearsal, dance practice, adviser meeting, work, and piano practice, all in one week. Regardless, I am exhausted! Thankfully, I found some time today to just sit and write, and this is what I came up with:

I had the perfect beginning for this, but it’s been lost. Lost, deep in to the dark recesses of my ever reeling mind. Purpose? This is mostly for me. I hope that I find a relief of grief in the telling. This is not just my story, no, it’s something much bigger. Much bigger than even I could imagine. Lives and stories intertwined. Hope and grief intermingled. You might think that this story would start with that October day--and really, that’s when things started downhill.--but this began long before. Before me, before her, before anything, really.

She was beautiful. The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, and that’s not a statement made in hyperbole. Dark hair--nearly black, hazel eyes--nearly yellow. She was slender and tan. Her smile was gentle, as was her manner. You might overlook her, for her quiet spirit did not attract attention. Appearances, as time has proven, are usually deceiving. She was quiet, yes, but like most introverts, she had a bold streak hiding underneath her unassuming demeanor. She was an artist at heart: a true visionary of the creative. Above all else, she loved. And she never gave up hope. Not ever. I could continue to describe her, but that would steal from the story. Her true character shall unfold in the words that follow hence. For this story is not mine. It is hers.

I'm not sure yet where I'm going with this, but I'm rather fond of it.

 

I'm so sleepy. 

As a side note, I'm entering this photo in this photo challenge.

Photo Challenge

 

Entering this photo in I Heart Faces photo challenge.  Go vote!

Stealing Away

You fault me for this

But is the fault really mine?

Searching me with vagabond eyes

You've contributed to my demise. 

I struggle to wake;

In morning light I'm a fake.

I cannot help that I'm sick

You seem to think that this is a trick. 

It's not, oh, it's not

I can promise you right now

I never chose to be like this.

Waiting, waiting for death's cold kiss.

I hold life so dear;

It's hard when death feels near.

I cling to the promises You've made

I hope that You shine bright while I fade.