Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I Will Be Me

I don’t care if I have boy hair, or that my eyes are the color of mud. I love my slightly bowed legs and I think I have interesting hands.

I wasn't allowed to watch Pokemon, and I’ve never seen or read anything Harry Potter. I’m still convinced I will find a way to Narnia. And someday, someday, I will marry Frodo Baggins. If Mr. Bingley doesn’t find me first. I will cry when Anakin becomes Darth Vader.

I don’t care how silly I look, standing by the side of the road with my camera on a tripod and a remote in my hand: me—my hands placed awkwardly on my hips—trying to look pretty. Or at least not remotely ugly. I will put a vintage effect on that photo, too. Not because I want to be a hipster, but because I love the 1960s. Because it makes me feel close to my mom.

I will sit for hours, pouring over old photos, laughing at the drama queen I used to be. Looking at how happy my family was, regardless of the illness and shadows that lurked beneath those frozen moments. I will cry seeing my mother’s smiling face.

I will sniff that book. Nothing smells better than aged paper and ink, stained with tears and the occasional spilled coffee. I will lay on the couch for hours and ignore you. Because sometimes, a girl needs away from reality.

I know I can’t quite hear right. I know that I mumble and say awkward things sometimes. I don’t care that I’m an introvert. I know how to be content by myself. I like to take solitary walks, listening to my eclectic library of music.

I will listen to bluegrass music and talk radio, driving down the road with my dad, the sunroof open, screaming at the flies that managed to make their way in. I will have conversations with my family about cows. And cars. And politics.

I will continue to watch History Channel. I will laugh at Ancient Aliens and freeze while watching Ice Road Truckers. I will watch Food Network until I’m starving, and HGTV until I’ve convinced myself I could be an interior designer.

I can’t help that I have panic attacks every day. Or that it bugs me when things aren’t symmetrical. Germ-x is my best friend. And you better not touch my straw. Or my food.

I love nonsense. And I will write until the day I die. I will play the piano for hours—because when I do, I forget my present troubles. And I don’t care what the sheet music says. I’ll play what I think sounds best.

I will make everything out of duct tape. My clothes never match, and I’m fine with that. My mind jumps from thing to thing, and none of it makes sense. I will cry myself to sleep and wake up laughing. I will play Words with Friends too competitively.

I will get lost in my daydreams, and doodle on everything that can be drawn on. I will make a mess with my watercolors.

I will loudly crunch ice, and drink and unhealthy amount of sweet tea and coffee. I will keep calm and carry on. My sister will be my best friend. I will love green and blue, even if they're boy colors.

I will pray constantly. I will love Christ with my whole heart and seek His face. I will be the person He wants me to be.

I will keep being me.

You leaving didn’t change that.

It didn’t change me.

Monday, June 27, 2011


Entering this at IHeartFaces!

Be the Best!

Little known fact: as a kid, I wanted to go to school for graphic design. I would spend hours messing around with photoshop, making random illustrations and logos. I've won a few national (church) competitions with computer art. I've haven't done much in recent years, so today, I decided to pick that old hobby up off the shelf and dust it off. I must say, I've missed it immensely. The little print above took about twenty minutes to do, and was super easy peasy. If anyone would be interested in ordering prints and such (I have more like the above!) please let me know. They wouldn't cost much, seeing as I'm a poor college student who really doesn't need much to get by. 

Well, I'm off to get lunch (hopefully Quiznos? I dreampt of eating Quiznos for lunch last night), and spend my afternoon with my nose buried in a book. 


Sunday, June 26, 2011

Alley Springs

Yesterday, I was having a crummy day. I couldn't stand being in the house any longer. So my dear dad suggested we drive out to Alley Spring. I agreed, because I had to go somewhere. Fact: Missouri has a huge amount of springs. (Note: these are not hot springs. In fact, the water is freezing!) The water is such a gorgeous shade of aqua. And despite the fact that it was a ridiculously hot and humid day, the temperature was perfectly cool by the spring.  There were tons of beautiful black and blue dragonflies, too! They were everywhere. 

As a heads up, I don't know that I'll be blogging much this week. I don't want to complain or have a pity party, but I went through a bad break-up this weekend, and I don't want that negativity to take over my blog. Yeah, I'm aware that I'm only nineteen and I have my whole life ahead of me, but we'd been dating for nearly two years, and it wasn't an amicable end to our relationship. So, I'm going to really throw myself into the Word this week. I know Who truly loves me. So any blogs this week will be devoted to things that God has revealed to me through His precious Word.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!


Saturday, June 25, 2011

A Heavy Heart

I am done being a pessimist. I cannot continue to live my life like this. The constant worry, anxiety, sadness...I'm done with it. I feel like, as bloggers, we feel the need to live a perfect, happy, tidy life. Well, my friends, life is messy. We get covered in mud. We face mountains that seem impossible to scale. We have days where we just can't get out of bed because, frankly, living is just too hard today.

This is how the past week has been for me. I've woken up every morning to a panic attack. I've been so consumed by worry that I haven't been able to eat a proper meal in days. I've mostly slept because that's the only time worry ceases to consume me. I feel useless, but most of all, I feel scared. Like there's a shadow following me, just out of sight, waiting for me to show weakness so it can consume me.

But shadows cannot dwell in a place flooded by light. So I've been lighting candles. I've turned on the floodlight. I've opened the windows. God's precious Word has brought be comfort beyond measure. I finished reading Ephesians last night.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.  Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.  He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.
I'm doing my best to cast all my cares upon Christ. Because I cannot beat this without Him. I need to stop trying to find my worth in others, and find my worth in Christ. I pray that He would hold me through all of this, because today, I'm too tired to walk on my own.

Prayers are appreciated. My theme for the day is "Jesus loves me. Stop worrying. Stay distracted."


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

That Time I Saw Relient K

I love this city. My heart leaps when I see the sign proclaiming that I have entered "Metro Davidson County, Home of the Grand Ol' Opry." I love Nashville! Something about this city makes me feel cozy, happy, and content. I have many bad memories here, but many amazing moments that far outweigh the bad.

Like getting to see Relient K in concert. Who doesn't love Relient K? This was a very small show, and as it turned out, it was actually their rehearsal for Van's Warped Tour. It was intimate and cozy. I fully enjoyed myself until the third to last song. Unfortunately I became quite ill and had to miss out on Sadie Hawkins Dance and Be My Escape. Bummer. But it was all totally and completely worth it!

In other news, I have a nasty case of writers block that I am determined to overcome. I go to write and I just...can't. It's an awful feeling.


Monday, June 20, 2011

Summer Night, Fading Light

I love summer evenings. The sound of crickets, the occasional rain crow. Queen Anne's Lace swaying in the hot breeze. Soon, the grass will be dead. The humidity will be unbearable. But for now, the summer evening is beautiful.

I have quite a trip to take tomorrow. I'll post more on that later, I promise.

"This is what makes man great, his ladder to the stars." -Mumford & Sons

Put on some folk music and some bug spray. Sit outside and watch the sun sink below the horizon and the stars begin to twinkle in the eastern sky. Cherish the warm breeze and the cool grass beneath your bare feet.

(erm, just typed bear feet. not good.)


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Instagramy Goodness

 Behold! A random selection of some of the photos I've taken on my iPhone and edited with Instagram. It is by far the best free photo editing app, especially if you're going for that lomo look!

This week has been insanely busy, but I have a few special blog posts planned for the near future, so stay tuned!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Sweet Summatime

Because sometimes, you just gotta wear two pairs of shades.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Macro Organ

Entering the macro photo challenger over at Little Somethings! This is an up-close shot of the organ pulls on the pump organ my dad has in his office. It's from the 1800s, and it is so much fun to play, even if you are worn out by the end of one song. Ha! :) The pull in focus is the Sub Bass pull, if anyone was wondering.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Short Hair!

So today, I did something a little crazy.

And I pretty much love it. :)

It's cooler, easier to style, and a heck of a lot cuter than my previous hair style. :)


Monday, June 13, 2011

Let Them Eat Cake

I always feel so awkward when titling blog posts. Does one capitalize every word like a proper title demands? I believe so, regardless, I feel awkward doing so.

Anywho, I had a beautiful day Saturday with my family! We went to a sweet little tea room, some antique and thrift stores, and then a few big-box retailers and the mall. We topped the day off with a dinner at Zios. It was quite the lovely day!

Oreo cake. I wanted to die from happiness.

Mine is the owl ring. big surprise! The other ring is my promise ring. ;)

My outfit for the day. Love those shorts!
Also, the sky has been utterly beautiful lately. I think the summer sky is my favorite. The clouds are fluffier, the color more blue. Sometimes I just want to fall into it.

And as a random note, I discovered today that you can have domesticated foxes as pets. Squee! I want one!
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