Thursday, September 29, 2011

Sufficient Grace

In the past three years  You've seen me through the death of my mother, the illness of my father, my own illness, a nervous break down, a possible brain tumor, breakups and lost friendships, loneliness, and moving over 400 miles away from with only the help of my siblings. You held me when they tested me for lupus, when my thyroid levels were so low that I could barely get out of bed. You were there during every anxiety attack, sleepless night, and change of medicine.

You've held me through it all. When I ran, You waited patiently with open arms. When I was too weak to stand, You carried me close in Your holy arms. You are above all, and yet You have brought Yourself to me, to love me in my weak and sinful state.

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You have given me a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Your grace is sufficient for me, Your power made perfect in my weakness.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Carousels and a Room Re-do

 Dorm rooms are not cozy. Not in the least bit. So to combat this, I've covered my walls, put up curtains, made my room as "me!" as possible.



I randomly had the urge to paint yesterday. This is what became of it. I suppose they're feather/leave hybrids.

I leave you with this:

This carousel keeps spinning me around
I swear, my feet have never  felt the ground.
I'm on the horse and you're standing beside,
Beside me now on this dizzying ride.

Just get me off of this trip.
I'm tired of riding, I feel my hands slip.
Carousels keep spinning, they won't let me down.
Grinding gears and wind, I hate the sound.

A tiny toy horse and a rusted toy soldier
All packed away in an attic, moreover
No one really cares to see them again
Childhood is gone, gone like the wind. 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Hair Tinsel || SOOC

Anyone remember the hair feather trend that everyone went crazy over? (Just as a side note, those were fishing lures being clamped into your hair.) That wasn't my cup of tea. I'm more of a don't be a sissy just dye your hair! kind of girl. I did, however, give in to a similar trend.

I just like sparkles and feeling like a Christmas tree, okay? You can't judge me for that. Everyone loves Christmas.



These are SOOC, because 1. I feel like they were nicely exposed and 2. I currently don't have photoshop due to my pesky computer crash. It's definitely forcing me to take better pictures to start off with. I can't rely so much on post-processing. (Note: I actually didn't take these pictures, though I did set the exposure.)

As you can see, my hair is now redish brown and blonde again. I knew the whole brunette thing wouldn't last long.

And please, disregard the unsatisfied look on my face. I've been sick all week with a bladder or kidney infection of some sort. Going to the doctor sometime this week to sort things out. In the meantime I'll be chugging cranberry juice. (Gross. Does anyone even like cranberry juice?)

back with more pictures later!


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Stealing Away

Under a canopy 
Of twig and twine
I sit and ponder;
After you I pine.

I am not hiding
My face from you,
Merely from the world,
Not from the few.

Come find me here
In my retreat
Of grass and dew,
Mushrooms and leaves.

I wait, my love.
For you alone
Do not hinder
My love has grown.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Life Lately, In Instagram

So, remember how I had to get new tires on my car last week?

Well now I have to get a new laptop. Needless to say, I'm a bit frustrated. My laptop fell off of my bed the other day. I didn't think much of it, because it only fell about a foot, and it landed on my rug. The next day I was using it and it started making a strange noise, and it literally started smoking. So, I haven't been able to turn it on to prevent my hard drive from melting down. Of course, I took it to Best Buy to get it repaired and the price was going to be astronomical. Long story short: I need a new laptop. My big sister is a saint and is letting me borrow her laptop until I can get a new one and get all of the information on my hard drive transferred.

I realize that was a long, pointless story. But I think it's a pretty good reason for my recent absence. To make up for that, here are some pictures I've taken with Instagram lately:

I have more blonde in my hair, as well as hair tinsel. It's so fun!

The view from my piano practice room window. <3

I got to see Ty on Saturday! :D

Basically, my new favorite shirt!

My sister's cat had kitties!
I'll be back with more soon!


Thursday, September 15, 2011

You Were Made

You were made.

You are not the result of some freak accident. Some random collision of cells billions of years ago. You are not an animal. You are not a thing. You are a person, and you are real. You were created, by a Creator, a beautiful work of art. You are a masterpiece.

So why do you hurt yourself so? Why do you break yourself down? Believe the lies that are thrown at you daily? Why do you buy into the nonsense that you are nothing?

Here's something for you, some silver cord that might make you hold on: you are something. You are not measured by the things you have done, the things you have failed at, the things that just won't seem to fall in place. You are not an accident, you are on purpose.

It doesn't matter what your circumstance is, what color you are, how tall, skinny, short or fat. It doesn't matter if your hair is curly or shaved to your head. You have a big nose? So what. Your stomach is too pudgy? Who cares. Outward appearances mean nothing. Did you hear that? They mean nothing.

You know that smile that used to brighten your face? It's gone. And that, that is the tragedy of this situation. You no longer smile because you've been beaten down. You no longer laugh because you believe that you're nothing.

They are all wrong.

You have a place, a purpose, a hope. There is something more to live for. You were created by a Creator. He designed your very appearance, your very personality. He knew you'd have freckles, He designed you that way. He knew you'd have brown eyes, He picked the very color of your eyes. You may not know Him yet, but you are His creation.

You were made. Know it, accept it, believe it. You are His.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Still Miss You

I play the song at the beginning every day.


Monday, September 12, 2011

Music Monday and a life update

Rush week is finally over. Last week was a lot of fun, but it was completely exhausting. The Rossettis rushed eight, as did the Bunyans. After rush, we had a fun little bonfire out in the country. I pretty much love bonfires. I'd love to upload pictures from rush week but my camera is in my car which is currently out of service...

I drove over a nail yesterday. They couldn't patch it, and it turns out I need four new tires. They're supposed to replace them today, but walmart still hasn't called me. Of course. Thankfully, my sister is pretty much the best ever and let me borrow her car. Granted, it's a Toyota Sequoia, so the car to girl ratio is seriously skewed. I look pretty funny driving such a huge car.

Since today has been such a typical Monday, I thought I'd share one of my current favorite songs:

I've been listening to this song all week long. It's fantastic.

Also, while perusing Youtube I found this gem of a video:

I was awkward.


Saturday, September 10, 2011

Love is Patient

Sometimes, I wonder if love still exists.

Because lately, I haven't seen love played out in the relationships around me. Couples that I thought would make if have ended in bitterness. Marriages that I thought were solid have completely and utterly crumbled. Love has been replaced with lust; commitment with flippancy; respect with disdain.

We've been told to keep our hearts locked inside our chest, all the while masquerading as if we are vulnerable enough to hand away the key. What was it that C.S. Lewis said? "To love is to be vulnerable?" No one really believes in that anymore, not really. Love is now selfishness. Relationships are not based on what the other person can gain--but what you, yourself, can get out of the other person. It's sickening, really.

I might give up on love. I say I might because I have been fortunate to witness solid relationships--which are all but rare anymore. One example? My parents. Their relationship put their marriage vows to the test. For richer or poorer? Check. In sickness and in health? Check. 'Til death do us part? Check. When there wasn't enough money to pay the bills, when my mom was so sick she could not lift her head, when she lay, despondent, on her deathbed-- she and my father still loved each other. They were faithful until the end.

I see the relationship between my boyfriend and I growing into that. True love takes time, and we are well on our way. The happiness of the other person has become our priority. I do love him.

Oh, and what about our relationship with God? We are unfaithful, catty, whiney, and sinful. Yet He continues to love us with a never-ending love that surpasses anything we can know or feel. He does not need us, but He wants us. It's incredible.

So, I refuse to give up on love. It is real. It does still exist. All of this perversion of love in our society does not make me despair, no, it makes me determined. Determined to make my own relationship with Christ, my boyfriend, and my friends what it should be.

Because it's worth it.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Yes is Yes.

I can never go back to that place.

That place of loneliness and regret. Of tears, hopelessness and illness.

I can't. I won't. I refuse.

I was miserable. Completely and utterly miserable. I did not shut my self up or cut myself off from people on purpose, no, I did not even realize that I was doing it. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know how to change it.

I knew I was sick, but I did not know how sick. I knew I was depressed, but I did not know how badly.

Something is wrong when you wake up with dread to meet the sun. Something isn't right when you don't even have the strength to pray.

That started nearly a year ago. And I'm afraid. Afraid that things will be that way again.

I refuse.

These past three weeks have been happy. For the first time in years, I don't feel weighed down by my turbulent past. I feel more like me. I am still shy and awkward, but (hopefully) in a more lovable, less intimidating manner. I've carried on conversations with people without worrying about what to say next. I've reconnected with old friends. I've let myself be talkative.

I haven't shut myself up. Lord willing, I won't ever again.

I am going to take care of myself this year. This is me, making a promise. My yes is yes.

There was a toga party at the Parthenon!


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It Feels Like Fall!


It's a cold, dreary, rainy day! The kind of day where you just want to curl up in bed under a fuzzy blanket with a cup of hot tea or coffee and a good book. Or in my case, homework! Bleck. So far my day has been spent in class, chapel, piano lessons, decorating, watching The Proposal and...homework...again. Supper's in an hour. Afterwards I have to get ready for our Rossetti/Bunyan party. We're having an open mic night, with coffee, cake, tea, and a photobooth (any guess as to who's in charge of photos? ;) ) It's going to be a lot of fun.

In other news, I think I'm going to try to grow my hair out. I love my pixie, but I miss being able to curl my hair. It also needs to be re-dyed. The dye I used was supposed to be permanent, but it's already faded to nearly blonde!

Also, my desk lamp makes for fun lighting. :)

Now reading ---> The Bone House by Stephen Lawhead

Monday, September 5, 2011

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Block Party 2011!









Last night, we had block party! There was a parade and a garden party to kick off the craziness of rush week! Everyone at school is required to join a society. They're a pretty big deal at the start of the year. I'm a member of the Christina Rossetti society. (My mom was a Rossetti, as is my sister.) Our theme, along with our brother society the Bunyans, is classy. Because honestly, we are a classy, fun-loving group. We are diverse, artsy, and athletically inclined. (Well, I'm not athletic..)

There are four girl societies and four boy societies on campus. LMA/Bryan, Sonnet/Alpha, Bronte/Pi Gamma, and Rossetti/Bunyan. Early Monday morning, we'll cover the campus in signs promoting our respective societies. Each society gets and emphasis day, where they give gifts to all of the freshmen, and have a party in the evening to promote themselves. I won't share what my society is giving just yet. It's pretty classy, though! On Friday, each society will present a funny video skit (can I just say...ours is hilarious! I'll post it once it's up on youtube.) Then we'll all go to the gym and do the actual rushing. I really hope we have a good amount go Rossetti/Bunyan this year, because we have some stellar things planned!

Anyway, this week is going to be crazy busy and fun!


P.S. I think I may have acquired a job/internship. I hope it works out, because it's completely perfect for me. More on that later!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Dorm Tour!


I do believe my dorm room is nearly decorated! I apologize for the quality of the pictures--the lighting here in the dorm is the pits! There's hardly any natural light, and the fluorescent bulbs are just harsh. I do love my twinkle lights. It's hard to tell from the pictures, but they're actually purple.

I do love the dorm life. I have the sweetest roommate! It's funny how such a small, cramped space can feel so much like home. I love it!

We have block party tomorrow night! I'm so excited. I love my society so, so much!

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