Saturday, November 30, 2013

time has not touched it

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 Though time may wear down wood and metal, I refuse to let it change my memories. They can be immortalized in ink and paper, in bytes of data. 

When I think of "home" my mind wanders down wooded paths to my family's tiny cabin, nestled in the Ozark Mountains. It would take about a twenty-minute drive in any direction to reach any sort of civilization. The parcel of land was given to my family by a very close friend. My dad designed and built the cabin himself (with some help from my grandpa, mom, and siblings, of course).

We would spend countless hours at the cabin. In the summer, we'd take a picnic, sit on the back porch, and sketch. In the fall, we'd spend every Thanksgiving here. We'd go down the night before, eat soup, play trivial pursuit, and read old copies of National Geographic. The next day, our extended family would pile in. There was no parade-watching or football. Only family and the woods around us. 

I remember dad hunting here. I remember hiking to the far ridge with my brother. I remember popping over to the closest cabin to visit with old friends. I remember my mother decorating with fresh-cut evergreen, filling the entire cabin with the fresh scent of winter.

I remember.

My sister and I went down last Wednesday, the five-year anniversary of my mother's death. Her presence lingers at the cabin. An old and faded evergreen arrangement, turned brown by the passage of time; an old coffee grinder placed carefully on the shelf; dried wax from candles long gone on the mantle. Each was a remnant of her. Each a reminder that this had once been her habitat. 

We stood in the kitchen and cried. As much as you try to convince yourself that you've moved on, grief finds those quiet moments and makes itself at home. 

I'm thankful for the time I spent with my family this last week. We all have a shared grief that binds us together, perhaps more than the common blood in our veins.


Friday, November 15, 2013

the words always come

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I don't write poetry much, not really. My emotions are better expressed through prose or pictures. But there are some events in my life that I feel must be immortalized in some kind of verse. It's been five years. Today, I finally found the words for that exact moment.

And finally, in one quiet shudder,
The November wind has blown out
The one kind flame that sought to heal so many ills. 

A sterile death is an expected one.
Each minute a dagger to the hope of life. 


change is good

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I crave routine and change equally. I don't really understand quite how this plays itself out in my life, but I know it to be true. (Am I really making a new hair cut/color a lesson on philosophy? Guess so.) Anyway, I feel like a new woman with my Christmas hair.


Saturday, November 9, 2013

Christmas break - reading list

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As much as I love being an English major, I hate that I don't really get to read for leisure during the school year. I'm usually too bogged down in 17th century prose or detailed accounts of the Norman Conquest to read any modern fiction or classics outside the realm of whatever time period I'm currently studying. I think that's one reason I love semester break so much. Not only do I get to spend time with my family, celebrate the holidays, and sleep in my own bed, I get to read whatever I feel like reading. So here's a list of the books I'd like to read while I have the chance:

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
Vampires in the Lemon Grove - Karen Russell
The Shadow Lamp - Stephen Lawhead
The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
A Hemingway novel. (I know. As an English major, it's a crying shame I haven't read any Hemingway yet. I'm still debating over which book I'd like to read first. I like the plot summary of The Old Man and the Sea, but I've been obsessed with John Donne lately, so For Whom the Bell Tolls seems appropriate in that regard.)
The Song of Albion trilogy - Stephen Lawhead
Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card

I know this list seems a bit ambitious, but some of these I've already started, others I've read before (like the Song of Albion trilogy, which, if I remember correctly, was amazing. Stephen Lawhead is such an underrated author.) I also devour books. I used to get in trouble as a kid for reading through my books too quickly. I would have to take five or six books on road trips. Once I'm sucked in to a book, I won't stop for anything. It's probably not healthy.


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

november days

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I fell in love again with a place I had forgotten,
A place your shadow once darkened.


Monday, November 4, 2013

a new view, part two

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Man. It's hard to believe this series is four years in the making. I posted about this last year. Each picture really does represent a new era in my life. New priorities, new friends, new fears, dreams, hopes, and goals. I like that this year's photo (the farthest to the right) stands out in contrast to the previous two. I like that there are rainy, cold, overcast days mixed in with warm, bright, sunny ones.

In a word, this year's picture represents hope. I have so much hope for the future. Truly, that hope is in Christ. If I've learned anything these past four years, it's that I can truly, only, rely on Him

This series has been fun. While I'm sad that it's over, I'm excited for what's to come.

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