I totally forgot that I even took this photo. This was the view from my bedroom window on one of my last nights and my first apartment.
I'm finally in a new place! That's why I've been MIA from blogging for a while--I was desperately searching for and then finally moving into my new condo. Can I share that story? Okay, cool.
First, some background: the Nashville housing market is ridiculous. While I love that Nashville is currently an it city, that status has made the price of living here a bit ridiculous. I'm sure it's nothing like what you all on the east and west coasts deal with, but comparatively, it's getting expensive. (Of course, this could all be my own perception since I grew up in the Ozarks where you could get a really nice house and some land for what you'd pay for a shabby apartment in the bad part of town here.) I started looking for a new place a few months before my lease at my old place was up. It was rent controlled housing, and frankly, I couldn't live there anymore. While the apartment looked decent, there were a lot of issues with it. And while I was close to an okay part of town, I never felt totally safe there. (I stayed at my sister's house when my roommate was out of town because I was so paranoid and uncomfortable.) So, I had to move. I started looking for a place in May, and there was nothing. Nothing. Everything was too expensive, too sketchy, too far from work for my future and me. I started checking my resources obsessively and ended up having a massive panic attack one day in a Ruby Tuesday's parking lot. Not my finest moment. I left for Northern Ireland without a clue where I'd live when I got back. God dealt with my heart a lot while I was there. He had been telling me over and over: Don't worry! I've got this. I finally started to listen. I stopped worrying and stopped looking. I waited for Him to provide. And of course He did. Two weeks before my lease was up, we found the perfect place. The rent was totally reasonable, it was in a good part of town, and it was actually cute inside. We moved all our stuff in last week. Most everything is still in boxes and we have no internet, but it's perfect.
I say all of this to make this point: why is it easier to trust God with the big things than the little? God has been faithful to me through some truly difficult and life-shattering situations. He's carried me through things I never thought I'd have to go through. And through all of that--despite my anger with Him--He provided, and I learned to trust. Yet, when something much less significant--like the lack of an apartment--happens, I freak out. I don't think He'll come through. I don't trust Him like I should. Perhaps it's because in those truly awful moments, we have no choice but to trust Him. And in the small things, we still think we can and should have control. Sometimes it's harder to trust God with the small things than the big. Sometimes, it takes just as much faith. But He always provides. Sometimes not in the way we'd expect or prefer, but He still provides. And it always ends up being something better than we can ask or imagine.
Anyway, these are just some of the thoughts that have made tracks in my mind these past few weeks.