Tuesday, January 31, 2012

hey jude

So, I've really failed at my "fifty-two weeks" project. And to think I wanted to do a 366? Ha! School is crazy this semester. Craaaaazy. I feel like I say that every time I blog. But it's the truth. So here are some old pictures. I was going back through old Facebook profile pictures and really liked these.



So do three old pictures make up for the lack of a new one? I think yes. :) I did have time to write a poem, though! There was much rejoicing! 

Unto my eyes and to my heart
A word of wisdom I must impart:
Life is not a perfect sea,
Not tossed about by storm or breeze.
It is a tempest, raging at best,
Pushing, driving, unto its death.

That hazy vision of glass, depart!
Do not darken the hopes of my heart.
Frail and thin your argument lies--
Though sought after by human eyes!
I wish your visage would shatter and see,
You are not all you are cracked up to be.

So I’ll stay in my rags and not glance upon
Your lies of a life lived fast and strong.
Perfection does not your beauty make,
But chaos is my life to take.
So here I’ll live so quietly,
Content and oh so happy to be
The sole desire of my Savior’s eyes.
In His grace is no man despised. 


Listen to--> Hey Jude- The Beatles

Friday, January 27, 2012

moving and sinus infections

I am no longer a Missouri resident. It's very bittersweet. As a child, my family visited Nashville often. I fell in love with this city at a young age. A huge part of my heart has always belonged here. However, as cliche as it sounds, you can take the girl out of the Ozarks, but you can't take the Ozarks out of the girl. Rolling landscapes, afternoons spent at the cabin, and trips to Silver Dollar City will all be sorely missed. I've traded a rugged, expansive landscape for city lights and concrete towers. Grass for pavement; a starry nighttime sky for an overcast one, illuminated by the lives of a million. Part of me longs for the solitude of the country, but my heart is happy here.

My dad has a nice apartment in a less-busy part of town. For being in the city, it's pretty peaceful out here. Much different than the hectic part of town my college is in. I'll still be living in the dorm, but it's nice to be "home" right now, even if home is still packed in boxes, even if I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight.

In other news, I have the worst sinus infection I have ever had. I've been a baby about it all week, to be honest. It feels more like the flu than anything. You know that pressure you get in your face with a normal sinus infection? Multiply that by 12, add in a headache, multiple toothaches, a jawache, and some crazy congestion and fatigue and you have me right now. I finally found a cold medicine I can take with my thyroid condition, though! Thank goodness I don't have to tough it out now. I'm going to sleep away the weekend so I can be good and ready to go on Monday. I had to miss quite a bit of class this past week, and I hate it. I never miss class. One professor was so concerned that I wasn't there that she emailed me to make sure I was okay. Yeah. 

Your picture once hung on my wall.
Now it’s under my bed, I let it fall.
Do you think I really cared at all?
After those weeks of unanswered calls?

The sticky tack is the only reminder.
I don’t take it down, though it would be kinder
To my heart and to my eyes
But this shouldn’t come as a surprise.

You don’t hold a soul, nor do I.
But this is not occasion to cry.
You have your dreams and I have mine.
And honestly? I’ll be just fine.

Well, I'm off to sleep.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

rivers and roads

This is what today's picture taking produced. The light in my doorm room is so nice in the afternoons. I thought about venturing out to take some pictures, but decided that I liked these well enough.

Photobucket I'm finally able to curl my hair! And get it in a ponytail! It's a pretty huge deal. If you recall, my hair was boy short a few months ago...

Okay, so that was July. I've decided that chopping my hair off is one of the best decisions I've ever made. Life had hit a rough patch, and doing something like that for myself really gave me a boost of confidence. I couldn't hide behind my hair anymore, so I had to grow comfortable in my skin. However, I'm really enjoying growing my hair back out. I don't feel the compulsive need to wear a dress and make up.

Anyway, that's my random post of the day. I need to clean my room, do Music Theory homework, and work on year book pages.


listen to: Cats and Dogs- The Head and the Heart

drawings and things

I promise I'm not dead.

And I really should be in bed.

But my thoughts won't leave my head.

So I'm writing this instead.

Ha. That's how tired I am. We had tornadoes here last night. They pulled the fire alarm at one in the morning to get us down to the basement. I'm surprised everyone wasn't grumpy today! I'm only up still because I had to write a speech for tomorrow morning (that I completely forgot about...) and because I was really craving some applesauce. It happens.


So the eye is from about five years ago, and I sketched the girl during World Lit last week. So I have had some time to do some drawing lately. I've missed it.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, and whose hope is in the LORD. Jeremiah 17:7


Friday, January 20, 2012

it's all about the heart

Life is busy, and I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself and forget what it is I love.

I realized today that I haven't taken a single creative photo since I've been back at school. I've written one poem, which I didn't really care for. I haven't been able to play the piano due to a messed up thumb. I've gotten so busy with life that I've forgotten to live. I wake up, go to class, go to chapel, eat, take a nap, work, try to find time to see my friends, and sleep.

I think I'm discontent because every plan I've had for my life has fallen through. Relationships, dreams, goals. I was going to go to college, get married, train and leave for the mission field. College? check. Relationship? nope. Mission field? It's looking unlikely due to my health. I feel like I'm too young to give up on my dreams. I'm only twenty, but I know that life never goes as planned. I'm trying to see the beauty in it, but it's hard. Bad things happen to people who don't deserve it. Dreams are shattered and life is messy. I don't know what I'm good at anymore.


Somewhere in all of this, God has a plan. I'm not unhappy, not in the slightest. God has placed some wonderful, encouraging people in my life. He has allowed me to attend a college where, not only can I freely talk about my faith, but am encouraged to do so. I get to hear upright men of God speak daily. I have professors that care about my well being--I'm not just a number. I'm finally learning to love myself as the person God made me to be--a quirky individual, loyal above all else, willing to love and grow.

I think the key to all of this is willingness. I may feel as though I've lost my dreams, but in the end, they were my dreams. And what are my dreams compared to God's plan? Nothing but futile nonsense. His will is perfect, and my heart is willing, which is all He needs to use me. He doesn't want the talents He's given me--He wants my willing heart. And honestly? He doesn't need me. He could accomplish His will without me, and yet He chooses to use me. He wants me to be of service to Him.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. 
Jeremiah 29:11-14 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

it's raining and i'm rambling


1. You should be scared that there are two of me in the above picture. I realize the text doesn't really go, but I couldn't resist quoting my second favorite Simon and Garfunkel song. Besides, it does have a hippie-ish vibe, which I embrace wholeheartedly.  I might do a tutorial later on how to make pictures like this.They seem to be popping up a lot lately. I like the effect they have. It's pretty groovy. Ha.

2. We had a tornado warning here in Nash earlier. It doesn't seem to have done any damage, though the temperature is going to drop nearly 40 degrees by tomorrow once the cold front comes through. Random fact: before God called me to missions, I wanted to be a meteorologist. So excuse me if I ramble on about the weather from time to time.

3. There's a good possibility I'll be working on this piece for piano this semester:
Even if you don't like classical music, you should really listen to this piece by Prokofiev. It's stunning!

4. We had Wizzard of Oz auditions last night. I didn't audition for anything specific, as it's a musical, and I'm a contralto. All of the female roles are written for soprano, so that's a problem. I love to act, though! I'm taking it as a class, so it will be fun to participate regardless of whether I have a part or am just in in chorus!

5. Speaking of classes, I'm taking New Testament: Gospels and Acts, Music Theory I, Aural Theory I, Advanced Oral Communication, Masterpieces of World Literature II, Tennis, Chapel Choir, Handbells, Choral Union, and Private Piano. Even though I'm taking ten classes, I'm only taking seventeen hours. I'm going to be in school forever!

6. I started my internship again yesterday. I'm working a lot more this semester than last. I love my job! Working at a publishing company is perfect for me. 

Well, I'm off to clean my room and read more of Tartuffe. Insolent poem of a play!


Saturday, January 14, 2012

two of fifty two: poems and pictures

Miles, like flowers, wither away.
Each step brings me closer
To your smiling face.
Tomorrow I'll see you,
Today I will wait
Here in the silence
For your warm embrace.
So come in your car,
And I'll walk down the street.
My pace will match 
Your pounding heartbeat.
This distance is hard,
To that I'll admit.
I often wish to talk and sit.
But someday will come
When we're together at last.
You'll hold my hand,
And we'll laugh at the past.


Part two of fifty two, poems and pictures. 
I get to see my boyfriend tomorrow, hence the sappy poem. :) This photo was actually taken a few weeks ago, but I've had no time to do anything creative this week, thanks to school. Besides, I absolutely love that picture. So it gets to be photo numbero dos. :)
Well, I'm going to eat some Ramen and go to bed. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

songs for a rainy tuesday

School is back in session! Today has been a pretty easy day--all I have on Tuesdays is Advanced Oral Communication and tennis. It's a nice, lazy, rainy day. The songs above are ones I've been listening to a lot lately. Quite a few of them were suggested by my boyfriend. I don't have much time for hunting down new music anymore, so he keeps me updated as far as music is concerned. The song "Everything is Alright" is actually pretty old, but it's one of those songs that I feel was written for me personally. Simon and Garfunkel, as well as Nickel Creek, is a constant in my life!

This weeks 52 weeks submission!

Well, I'm off to supper and a basketball game!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

saying my goodbyes

My life is packed away
In boxes in the corner.
My memories shut up
In cardboard and tape.

Twenty years of living
Packed neatly into containers.
It would be much easier
To throw it all away.

But my thoughts are mine
Not dictated by possessions
I could walk away today
And leave it all behind.

First poem of the year. I spent today packing up my room. I really don't have an emotional attachment to this house. I always knew it would be a transitional thing. I am going to miss Missouri, though. I've lived in the Ozarks my entire life. My heart will always belong to these lonely hills and valleys. However, life dictates that I move on to bigger and better things. Nashville has always been my second home; now I can call it home for good. 

And with that, I begin my trek back to Nashville.


Friday, January 6, 2012

twenty-one before twenty-one

1. Open an online shop selling my prints
2. Visit Chattanooga
3. Take an all-day trip to Atlanta
4. Go to Chicago with my sister
5. Read War and Peace 
6. Make at least five crafty things.
7. Grow my hair down to my shoulders
8. Read through the entire Bible
9. Do a 52 weeks project
10. Make the President's list again
11. Make home-made candles.
13. Change my major to English
14. Write a poem every week
15. Keep a journal for the entire year
16. Write the character sketches for my book idea
17. Sew a dress
18. Made a DUKE sweatshirt
19. Paint at least four paintings
20. Make shrimp creole for my family
21. Do a "Dear Photograph" style photo

And that, my friends, is the list of goals I plan to accomplish in the upcoming year. Let's see how well I can do!

The necklace Matt got me for my birthday :)

What are your goals for the year?

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

hello, twenty


I'm no longer a teenager, and I really don't feel any different. Somewhere in the midst of just trying to make it to college, I grew up. I'm really not sure it ever happened, I don't feel old. (And really, I'm not.) I have, God willing, a long life ahead of me. It's just strange to think that I've already lived two decades. Twenty feels nice. Scary, but nice.



I'll probably have bad luck for that...

It's Betsey Johnson! Squee.

My family had a small party for me after we had our family Christmas on Friday. I really just wanted a cake. :) (See what I was saying about not being grown up? But does anyone outgrow the love of cake? I think not.)

On Sunday, I drove three hours to spend time with my boyfriend. We exchanged Christmas gifts. (The boy got me Nickel Creek's first two albums on vinyl. I almost died!) On Monday, we went up to Saint Louis. He took me to Chipotle, a comic shop, and a record shop. I bought a few records. We were going to go ice skating, but it was absolutely frigid, and I didn't wear a jacket. (I didn't think it would be so cold!) His family made me a super tasty birthday cookie. We spent the rest of the evening watching Star Wars Ep: III. He gave me my birthday present this morning--a beautiful necklace. I'll have to take a picture soon. It's perfectly me. He did well. :)




It was good to spend time with my family and loved ones at the start of a new year and a new chapter in my life. I didn't make any resolutions this year, but I am working on a "21 before 21" list, so stay tuned!

Happy belated New Year!
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