A Bit of Vagueness

Things I Currently Do Not Understand:

• Why I even bother capitalizing everything in a title anymore.
• Why I am still awake. Need sleep.
• Why I'm starving.
• Why I chopped my hair off/why I want to dye my hair dark again.
• Why I'm slightly dreading going back to college.
• Why God is letting me go through this. (It's really not my place to ask why. I need to be asking how.)
• Why the people I'm closest to have to live so far away from me.

I don't know why I'm still awake. I'm really not even sure why I'm writing this. I suppose I'm trying to identify what emotion it is that I'm feeling right now. Everything in my life is so uncertain. I feel like everything hinges on August 18th. Whatever happens, I know that it is all part of God's plan. Nothing takes God by surprise. He's asking me to trust Him completely; to have blind faith. And it's hard, because I like to be in control.

I'm also tired of constantly using the the word I. I'm tired of it being about me. I'm tired of being conceited. I want to care more about you. More about him. More about her, we, them, it. Basically, I'm sick of myself and I'm tired of focusing on my own problems. I've found that when I make things about Christ, life is so much brighter, things are more in focus. It's hard to die to self, but it's something I have to work on if I want to do anything for Christ. It's a daily battle.

I need to sleep.

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. -Psalm 4:8