Saturday, February 18, 2012

sing of love, of grace

It's been one of those days when all I can really do is point to God.

First, you should know that I've been struggling with depression and anxiety a lot lately. I go through spells of being okay, but there are times when I feel that dark cloud creeping up on me. I've just been very stressed lately. I've lost my passion for the things I love. I haven't felt like writing, reading, taking pictures, blogging, drawing--anything. I've been sitting around, impatiently waiting for something to change. It's like I'm waiting for my real life to start.

I had my doubts about today being a good day because: 1. I didn't get enough sleep last night, and I had an 8 AM class. 2. Everyone went to Florida this weekend. 3. Doctor's appointment. 4. I woke up feeling terrible. Basically, I was being little miss pessimist. (As a side note, I'm now on three more medications thanks to this dang sinus infection. Pray that this round of antibiotics and steroids will knock it out. If not, I have to have a CT scan and I'd rather not have to do that.)

However, God gave me little bits of encouragement today. First, I wore my hair curly. I got quite a few compliments on it (and on my style in general) which was nice. Shallow, but it did really help my mood. If I feel like I look good, it really does give me a little extra boost of confidence.

Second, He gave me a song to sing. I feel closest to God when singing or playing music to Him. I was reading Psalm 89 at work for a project. A particular line in it stirred something in my memory, and I caught myself singing "The Valley Song" by Jars of Clay. I hadn't listened to that song in years, and I almost starting crying because the lyrics so aptly described what I'm feeling right now.


Third, He gave me a good night. I went on random adventures with random friends. I ate Jack in the Box tacos (my favorite) and told anti-jokes. I laughed! It felt so good to just laugh at random things again. I've been withdrawing into myself a lot lately. It was nice to just go out and do something.

It's funny how God can take what would have been an awful day (had I stayed in control of my mood...) and make it into one I can look back on and smile.

I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever;
    with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 89:1


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