Friday, July 8, 2011

Just So You Know:

Just so you know: I'm not done packing and I leave tomorrow.

Just so you know: I'm packing up all your stuff. Every single thing. I'm tired of looking at it.

Just so you know: I left him. But he'd tell you otherwise, I'm sure.

Just so you know: God's peace is incredible.

Just so you know: I'm happier now.

Just so you know: I don't want to sit alone tonight.

Just so you know: I'm dreading next week. (But part of me is ready.)

Just so you know: I have books and books to read.

Just so you know: I have lots of new music, and that makes me happy.

Just so you know: I'm putting some pink back in my hair today.

Just so you know: I really want to talk to you. I'm just not sure where to start. So I'll be silent, for now.

Just so you know: my thoughts are currently a jumbled mess. I woke up as an angry elf this morning. I hoped my mood might improve with the day, but I've found myself behind on all the things I need to do and I have a growing headache. I think after my next load of laundry, I just need to make some tea, turn my phone off, curl up with my Bible and a book, and possibly take a nap. I'm stressing over things that shouldn't even matter, and are beyond my control. I just wish these thoughts would stop swimming around my head, taunting me. Worries and fears seem to be chasing me today. I'm not good enough. I'll never beat this. No one cares. No one loves me. I know that none of these things are true. I know it with my head, but not so much my heart. I've never been an optimist as far as my personal life is concerned, but this pessimism is getting ridiculous. I've been praying that the Lord would grant me an optimistic heart.

I've been repeating Isaiah 49:15 over and over to myself: "...yet I will not forget you." It's the last half of the verse. God is speaking to Israel through Isaiah. He gives the example of a mother: how could a mother forget her child? It happens, though. Even the closest of relationships are forgotten sometimes, but it isn't so with the Lord. Just as he could not forget wayward Israel, He will not forget us. It's a comforting thought.

I didn't get to take my walk last night due to the weather. Something tells me tonight's walk will be lovely. There's something about a firm footfall, music, and prayer that just lifts my spirits immensely.

xo,
Katy

3 comments:

  1. God is greater, stronger, and more powerful than any other sort of pain in this world. My heart aches for you...stay strong, sweet one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you!
    It's no problem.

    ReplyDelete

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