Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Please Cut to the Chase

Sometimes, I write really depressing things. But if writing does not convey emotion, it does not serve a purpose. Therefore, I write my emotions: whether they be sad, happy, thankful, or, in this case, distressed. 

I was having a tough night. This was written a few days after, but the emotion was still there. 

Please don't think I'm a mopey, pessimistic individual. (Although I am a pessimist at heart...)

This is just how I felt. Many things are implied, but please, do not make inferences.

I almost did it,
The truth is there.
You did not see
Nor did you hear
My life nearly leave
This precious soil
But here I am
Caught up in toil.

Strife and grief
Are my best friends
They hold my hand
They’ve seen me sin.
If she were here
All would be well
If he was well
I could breathe again

If I could breathe
You wouldn’t leave.

But I can’t.

And I won’t stay by
And let you watch me
Cry and cry.
These wounds won’t heal
These scars remain
A reminder of
All my past pain
I hate myself
For what I’ve done
To you and me.
And all I’ve won
Is shame and regret.
My face turned away,
My needs unmet.
I am not beautiful
I cry.
I am ugly

And not just on the outside.

My pillow wet
With a thousand tears
My mind is blank
I’ve struggled for years.
Words carefully chosen
Escape from my lips
“The Lord is my Shepherd.”
A cry, not a quip.
I repeat to myself
Over and over
Your promises there
Between those worn covers.

Not worn by me
But by her and her love
I know she is watching
Down from above.
You and her are who I please
As I lay here with shaking knees.
Terrified, I put it away.
I will live to see
Another day. 
Picture: unrelated.

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