Lights in the distance, clouded by rain and mist. Sheer curtains at the window, fan running. Aching body, tired mind.
I’m not enough.
My heart is lost in this small town. What is left for me here? Rejection disguised as humor. Jealousy disguised as love.
Masqueraders. All of you.
The masks you hide behind are glitzy, glamorous. They are the only thing distracting me from your hideous faces, marred by hatred and dirt. I want to rip those disguises off. Let your true selves see the light. Maybe your skin will shrivel. Maybe you’ll melt.
Maybe you will wash the dirt off of your faces.
I turn the mirror upon myself.
My mask is the most elaborate of all. I am the dirtiest. The chief of all sinners; the belle of this heinous ball. My heart falls and my palms sweat. What have I become? Opinions and sins have defined me, I have not let You wash me clean, nor have I sought Your face.
Kill me now and be done with it: irredeemable.
My derisive behavior has proved me a hypocrite.
Dear God, wash me clean! Remove this mask. Scrub away this filth. Dress me in simple, white clothes. Let me be humble, unpretentious, loving. Let me be passionate.
I flee this scene, once guilty, but now proven innocent. Innocence undeserved.