Sunsets

Blame It On This Southern Weather

This is just a bit of a picture dump of photos I've taken over the past few days. We've had tornadoes and sunshine, cold days and hot days, wind, rain, hail. That's weather in the Ozarks for you!

I ask that you would continue to keep Joplin in your prayers, as well as Kansas City and Sedalia, MO. Missouri has just been hit hard this year, and it's only the beginning of tornado season. We had a couple of small ones come close to my town the other night, but there was no damage. I'm not sure that they made contact with the ground at all.

Regardless, its been a nice week! If only I can get over this annoying head cold! I always seem to get colds in the summer. My body has its seasons mixed up, I suppose.

Have a happy rest of the week! It's almost the weekend. Hooray!

(10 pts if you can guess what song the title of this post came from!)

Devestation

My heart feels nothing but utter devestation.

Sunday night was like any other Sunday night. I was running late for church, already starving and looking forward to the fellowship supper I knew we'd have after church. I glanced at the radar, since it was looking rather stormy outside. There was one tornado warning on the map. I shrugged. It was two hours from here, and wouldn't reach here until at least eight o' clock. Besides, we have tornado warnings around here all the time. Sometimes the storms get bad; most of the time they don't.

Half way through church, my dad got a phone call from our denomination's state missions director. Joplin was nearly flattened; one our Free Will Baptist churches was completely gone. My heart fell. What I had dismissed as just another summer storm and turned out to be the deadliest single tornado since 1953. One hundred and sixteen people have been confirmed dead, and nearly 2,000 buildings destroyed. Thankfully, my friends in Joplin are safe, but so many have lost loved ones. It's devestating.

I am so proud of how our local communities have risen to the challenge of helping Joplin. You see disasters on TV, but it really hits home when it happens two hours from where you live. So please, join with me in praying for Joplin. More storms, possibly very severe, are expected today. Pray for the volunteers who are rushing into help, especially the medical personnel. Pray for those who have donated supplies, and most of all, pray for those citizens who have lost their whole lives.

A Little Bit of Film

Goodness gracious, this week has gone by in a hurry. To be honest, I'm not even sure what I did all week, aside from sleep.

Oh, right. I took a few pictures.

I really wish this were in focus.

My eyes always look black in photographs.

This was a bit of a fail.

This is an old do-rag my gramma used to wear back in the 60s.

I've finally been able to shoot some with my film camera. I'm super excited! It's been two years since I got to shoot with film.
Note: the follow photographs were taken with a Canon T70 in 2009.

I'm still getting used to my Canon AE-1. I cannot wait to see how this roll comes out!

Here's to another fast moving week! I'm ready for Thursday, for that is when my summer adventures begin!

Daisy, Daisy!

I had a minor freak-out earlier. My computer was refusing to read my SD card. A near melt-down was about to ensue when my father suggested I restart my computer. Duh. Needless to say, a minor crisis was averted. 

 

My dad also suggested that I take pictures of these daisies. Daisies are cliche, but I couldn't resist. I have a special place in my heart for daisies, due to the fact that I loved making daisy chains as a child. Maybe I'll resurrect that pastime, eh?

I pretty much just love photographing flowers in general, to be honest. 

(entering the above photos over at iheartfaces, fyi.)

On a random note, I have a summer tradition of putting streaks of weird colors in my hair for the summer. My hair has been pink, red, purple, blue, and pink again. I put pink streaks in it about a week ago, but it was some pretty awful dye. It's already faded and gone. So, I'm considering doing last year's color of choice again. 

Blue! That was such a fun color. I got quite a few compliments on it. What think ye?

Masquerade

Lights in the distance, clouded by rain and mist. Sheer curtains at the window, fan running. Aching body, tired mind.

I’m not enough.

My heart is lost in this small town. What is left for me here? Rejection disguised as humor. Jealousy disguised as love.

Masqueraders. All of you.
The masks you hide behind are glitzy, glamorous. They are the only thing distracting me from your hideous faces, marred by hatred and dirt. I want to rip those disguises off. Let your true selves see the light. Maybe your skin will shrivel. Maybe you’ll melt.

Maybe you will wash the dirt off of your faces.

I turn the mirror upon myself.

My mask is the most elaborate of all. I am the dirtiest. The chief of all sinners; the belle of this heinous ball. My heart falls and my palms sweat. What have I become? Opinions and sins have defined me, I have not let You wash me clean, nor have I sought Your face.
Kill me now and be done with it: irredeemable.

My derisive behavior has proved me a hypocrite.

Dear God, wash me clean! Remove this mask. Scrub away this filth. Dress me in simple, white clothes. Let me be humble, unpretentious, loving. Let me be passionate.

I flee this scene, once guilty, but now proven innocent. Innocence undeserved.

Finally Home

Things I Do Not Miss About College: 

• Cleaning my room once a week.
• No privacy.
• Not getting to watch what I want to watch on TV.
• No fridge at my disposal.
• Homework.
• Traffic.

Things I Do Miss About College:

• Friends!
• Living in a big city.
• My sister.
• The Donelson Fellowship
• Sweet CeCe's
• Starbucks/Any other food establishment other than McDonald's. 

 It's so good to be home! My Freshman year of college was rough, to be honest. It's nice to be someplace familiar and recoup. I finally have time to read, take pictures, paint, and travel! It's going to be a fairly busy summer. I have a few big trips planned, which I am quite excited about. But until then, it's nice to wake up and be in my own comfy bed.

^ I made this for you.

Vagabonds

Lives have crumbled, dreams have faded. Hope has been trampled. Mercy and grace have been left for dead, love cast out. I am downtrodden. I am shaken.

Faith is losing its will to believe.

I am covered in dust, wandering. I have isolated myself and cut off all hope. I am a vagabond.

Weary I travel, feet dragging across the shattered, barren ground. Collapsing, I cannot go on. Tears trickle down my weary face, and fall onto the craggy ground.

Night falls. I slip into fitful slumber. Wolves howl. The moon is obscured by clouds. My dreams are haunting things: full of robbers and thieves, stealing my life and those I love.

I wake.

Slowly, I open my heavy eyes. Something has changed. Something cool lies underneath my body. Mist surrounds me. I struggle to my feet. Astonishment floods my foggy brain: grass has grown.

Like mercy floods a sinner forgiven, relief washes over my dry soul. Hope defeats despair. Love casts out fear.

I am still a vagabond, but my path is now paved by green, soft grass. Hope and love. Mercy and grace.

My feet step lightly, my heart soars. My soul is refreshed, my mind clear.

Thank you, God.

Common Men

God must love the common man, he made so many of them. - Abraham Lincoln. 

I was sitting in church this morning, feeling downtrodden. I must say, God was using the preacher's words to speak to my turbulent heart. But it is not the sermon that stuck with me, but a phrase that I found myself saying: I like average people best. I am quite certain that this did not come from my own mind, but that it was placed there by my Creator.

We can't all be in the forefront. What would be accomplished if we were all out on the front lines? Life requires behind the scenes leadership. Common, hard working people who do not require laud or praise, but are satisfied with doing a job for their Creator and for themselves.

I say all this because lately, I've been struggling with recognition: feeling like all my hard work has gone unnoticed and unappreciated. But I've also come to the realization that, if that is my goal, then my heart is in the wrong place. I should be content to work along quietly, content with myself for doing something I'm passionate about, and with the knowledge that my Creator is watching me as well, cheering me on.

Because after all, we are all common people.

Vanity

 

Sometimes, I like to take pictures of myself. It's an awful habit, I know, but sometimes I just want to take pictures, and there's no one around that I can con into being a model for me. 

When this happens, I break out the remote control and snap away, taking pictures of myself. It's vain, I know, but this does have a purpose: I need a new profile picture for blogger. Mine is a few months old, and I've obviously dyed my hair since then. Therefore, this post was in order. 

The hard part is deciding on which photo to use! 

So if you have an opinion, feel free to share it.

I am aware that I look sixteen years old. I have a feeling this will be to my benefit as I get up in my twenties. :)

The Civil Wars

My sister and I were lucky enough to get tickets to see The Civil Wars at the Loveless Barn just outside of Nashville last Wednesday. Sadly, they only played three songs, but it was magical! Their harmonies, nuances, just everything is stupendous. I hope to see them again in the future. Hopefully it'll be a full set then!

Please Cut to the Chase

Sometimes, I write really depressing things. But if writing does not convey emotion, it does not serve a purpose. Therefore, I write my emotions: whether they be sad, happy, thankful, or, in this case, distressed. 

I was having a tough night. This was written a few days after, but the emotion was still there. 

Please don't think I'm a mopey, pessimistic individual. (Although I am a pessimist at heart...)

This is just how I felt. Many things are implied, but please, do not make inferences.

I almost did it,
The truth is there.
You did not see
Nor did you hear
My life nearly leave
This precious soil
But here I am
Caught up in toil.

Strife and grief
Are my best friends
They hold my hand
They’ve seen me sin.
If she were here
All would be well
If he was well
I could breathe again

If I could breathe
You wouldn’t leave.

But I can’t.

And I won’t stay by
And let you watch me
Cry and cry.
These wounds won’t heal
These scars remain
A reminder of
All my past pain
I hate myself
For what I’ve done
To you and me.
And all I’ve won
Is shame and regret.
My face turned away,
My needs unmet.
I am not beautiful
I cry.
I am ugly

And not just on the outside.

My pillow wet
With a thousand tears
My mind is blank
I’ve struggled for years.
Words carefully chosen
Escape from my lips
“The Lord is my Shepherd.”
A cry, not a quip.
I repeat to myself
Over and over
Your promises there
Between those worn covers.

Not worn by me
But by her and her love
I know she is watching
Down from above.
You and her are who I please
As I lay here with shaking knees.
Terrified, I put it away.
I will live to see
Another day. 

Picture: unrelated.

Find A Cure for Lupus

      May is National Lupus Awareness Month. The Lupus Foundation of America is running a campaign entitled "Band Together for Lupus." Lupus is a disease that I myself am all too familiar with. While I have, for the time being, tested negative for lupus, I watched my dear mom suffer for years. My sister has also, in recent years, been diagnosed with this awful chronic disease. 

     So I encourage you to educate yourself on what lupus is, what it does, and what you can do to help find a cure, so another little girl doesn't have to watch her mother suffer and eventually die from the effects of lupus. 

XO, Katy.