Wednesday, November 2, 2011

you can't erase it

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I had been asking too many questions. I have always been an inquisitive person, but this was different. It wasn't mere curiosity that caused me to persist with my questioning, but an absolute need for answers.

My dad took me out on our sun porch. The wicker couch was rough under my legs; the sun was warm on my hands, wrung with worry.

It's cancer. 

That's all I needed to know. I distinctly remember the wind blowing against my cheek and knowing that this was a moment that would forever be buried in my memory. 

It's hard to believe that she passed away a little over three weeks later. I don't remember much about those three weeks, except fear. And the foreboding feeling that my life was about to change.

It's been three years today since I heard those words. Time has healed nothing.

I miss you, mom.

We do not grieve as those who have no hope.

4 comments:

  1. I know you hate November, and I know you have every right to. I just want you to know that you have a support group, you have people here for you praying for you and loving you. It's a terrible thing, what you have gone through. Just know that you are never alone.

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  2. I agree 100% with Emily. Last November, my grandmother (my dad's mom) passed away ten days after my birthday. It was really hard for everyone, especially my aunt (dad's sister) because she had taken care of their mother for about eight years. And even now there will be times we're just sitting at the dinner table laughing about something totally hilarious, when my aunt'll say, "Oh, I wish mom were here." You'll be in my prayers this month. It's okay to grieve.

    love, maryrachel
    (PS: Take a look at Matthew 5:4.)

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  3. I remember that day too my dear...and even though we miss her terribly, we must rejoice that she is with her Father that she loved and lived for, while bravely enduring what He asked her to bear. No one has ever did better.
    Love you, Dad

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  4. thank you so much for the comment you left on my blog. its hard to believe its almost been four years since my mom past (this coming january). our story sounds pretty similar, not much longer than 3 weeks after the dreaded news her cancer was back, she was gone. my heart is with you this season. and that sweet sweet comment by your dad just melted my heart. hold him close to you. cherish that everyday. love to you.

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