A Heavy Heart

I am done being a pessimist. I cannot continue to live my life like this. The constant worry, anxiety, sadness...I'm done with it. I feel like, as bloggers, we feel the need to live a perfect, happy, tidy life. Well, my friends, life is messy. We get covered in mud. We face mountains that seem impossible to scale. We have days where we just can't get out of bed because, frankly, living is just too hard today.

This is how the past week has been for me. I've woken up every morning to a panic attack. I've been so consumed by worry that I haven't been able to eat a proper meal in days. I've mostly slept because that's the only time worry ceases to consume me. I feel useless, but most of all, I feel scared. Like there's a shadow following me, just out of sight, waiting for me to show weakness so it can consume me.

But shadows cannot dwell in a place flooded by light. So I've been lighting candles. I've turned on the floodlight. I've opened the windows. God's precious Word has brought be comfort beyond measure. I finished reading Ephesians last night.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.  Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.  He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

I'm doing my best to cast all my cares upon Christ. Because I cannot beat this without Him. I need to stop trying to find my worth in others, and find my worth in Christ. I pray that He would hold me through all of this, because today, I'm too tired to walk on my own.

Prayers are appreciated. My theme for the day is "Jesus loves me. Stop worrying. Stay distracted."

xo
Katy